Feeling bleurgh

Throughout these past few months there have been many times when I have thought about writing. In fact I did write a post two weeks ago but it failed to upload from my phone. Other than that I have had ideas but have become distracted with the day to day aspects of motherhood, being a wife and being a daughter-in-law. Each role requires you to fully focus 100 %. It can never be below this as I do not feel fully pleased with myself. Then it can lead to one crashing and burning which was happened to me this weekend. Being in bed and violently vomiting (I know TMI) it made me contemplate about the wider aspects of life. It me think of all those things that I have not yet accomplished that were niggling at me at the back of my mind. It made me think of my relationship with Allah and where I wanted to BE in that relationship. Where I wanted my family to be. How I had squandered time simply thinking of doing things and prioritising those 100 % requirements-which also count as Ibadaah (worship) by the way. Whilst nuzzled in my duvet and inhaling balsam oil to decongest my nose I just thanked Allah as I thought rather than trying to do everything I should small things that make me happy. A lot of those small things comprise of day to day mundane rituals but it makes me happy. I guess feeling bleurgh simply was Allah way to make me feel grateful again.

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