Bittersweet

There’s nothing like death to remind one of reality. However, my thoughts are somewhat in disarray in light of recent events.

I am Sharmin. A mother, a wife, a daughter, a daughter in law, a sister, a friend, a human. I am me. I am a believer.

A family friend has recently passed away after continuous deterioration of health. There were times we would cook and provide food for his family to provide small comforts in the magnitude of turmoil one faces when you see a close one coming to the end of their life. Again my intentions and thoughts were in disarray. Why? I would ponder.

It was not healthy. However, I would think about the rights we have on one another as muslims and the reward and continue. Then, I broke.

It was only in conversation with my sister I came to realize errors in my thinking and logic. It’s strange how clouded we can become if we remain sedentary. She presented me with a scenario that was to close to my heart that showed me that I have been doing things to make others happy. I would justify it by saying that I was doing good but I would not feel good. I would struggle with such the notion of the ties of kinship holding onto the throne of Allah and question if my heart or I myself had strayed.

In the same conversation my sister reminded me of the rights of the Muslim. In Islam the believer has six rights upon another fellow below. One of them is to attend their funeral and help the family of the deceased. If one does this with sincere intention then the reward is equal to that of the size of mount Uhud.

At night I contemplated this and thought about the person who had passed away. I am a sentimental person so I naturally though of the impact of the conversations which varied from religion to day to day advice. I supplicated from where I was as I was quite a distance away from my place of residence. For a long time I had been faced with a battle when making the smallest of decisions.

Now I reflected and thought I want the reward. I knew and was happy with my decision.

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