Its different having your second child. Your attention is divided and you seem so busy and engrossed in the first child often the second child’s milestones are overlooked. Although they are still of significance. With my eldest daughter I had documented the smallest of details especially in those first few months. With my second daughter it was mentally noting things and then documenting them. Those moments I enjoyed having my new bundle next me were different when I had baby number two. However, it is after having my second daughter I feel more grounded as a parent and feel more focused (as focused as a parent can be.)
Like most women I experienced the high one feels after having given birth. Then came the blues. I completely shut off. I was highly sensitive, fragile, angry and devastated. Angry at the circumstances around me (we were moving and baby had come early.) Devastated with the health problems I had amassed (but was not expecting.) In addition to this I did not want any one to know. I could not sit for any longer than two minutes. My brother came to visit me and I was crawling on my hand and knees. At night I could not sleep. I had a catheter fitted to me which was something else unexpected. Amongst this the cultural customs pertaining to a child being born had to be upheld. I felt pressured in my own mind. I just wanted things to get better and quickly. I played with my eldest daughter whilst lying down because I could not physically sit down. I had to sit in warm baths at least four times a day. During this time I supplicated with tears rolling down my eyes. I only felt I could have a dialogue with Him.
All the while I felt the emotions of devastation, anger and disdain. I would supplicate to Allah. But I was impatient. This was not how it was meant to be. I compared three things. My pregnancy. My birth’s. My children. This is the worst thing one can do. I had envisaged something in my head thats how it was meant to be. I felt useless. This is where the help and support of organisations helped me. I received an abundance of help from the Home Treatment team at first. At this point I was still going through issues with my body after birth. I had two different nurses. It was the second nurse who helped me to overcome the barriers I had in my mind. She encouraged me to take things slowly and gave me reassurance. I was then referred to the perinatal service and this is where the largest amount of transformation occurred.
For the first time in a long time I felt as though I was making changes in my OWN way. It did not occur overnight. There was lots of paper work and assessments. My husband had to support me at this time as everything seemed to be falling from beneath me, but eventually we overcame things that I thought I would never be able to do. The worker that I had was wonderful. Alongside the beauracracy she listened, reassured and laughed with me. In a way she became my friend. You know the friend you share birth stories with and they identify? Yes….that one. She went through the traumatic ‘after birth’ and related this to the birth of my first daughter.
I still have times when I become despondent but now I have a renewed faith in humans and Allah.