Day 2 Reflection 2

Today,  I read the verses below:

On the day when thou (Muhammad) wilt see the believers, men and women, their light shining forth before them and on their right hands, (and wilt hear it said unto them): Glad news for you this day: Gardens underneath which rivers flow, wherein ye are immortal. That is the supreme triumph. (12) On the day when the hypocritical men and the hypocritical women will say unto those who believe: Look on us that we may borrow from your light! it will be said: Go back and seek for light! Then there will separate them a wall wherein is a gate, the inner side whereof containeth mercy, while the outer side thereof is toward the doom. (13) They will cry unto them (saying): Were we not with you? They will say: verily; but ye tempted one another, and hesitated, and doubted, and vain desires beguiled you till the ordinance of Allah came to pass; and the deceiver deceived you concerning Allah; (14) So this day no ransom can be taken from you nor from those who disbelieved. Your home is the Fire; that is your patron, and a hapless journey’s end. (15) Is not the time ripe for the hearts of those who believe to submit to Allah’s reminder and to the truth which is revealed, that they become not as those who received the scripture of old but the term was prolonged for them and so their hearts were hardened, and many of them are evil-livers. (16) Know that Allah quickeneth the earth after its death. We have made clear Our revelations for you, that haply ye may understand. (17) Lo! those who give alms, both men and women, and lend unto Allah a goodly loan, it will be doubled for them, and theirs will be a rich reward. (18) And those who believe in Allah and His messengers, they are the loyal, and the martyrs are with their Lord; they have their reward and their light; while as for those who disbelieve and deny Our revelations, they are owners of hell-fire. (19) Know that the life of the world is only play, and idle talk, and pageantry, and boasting among you, and rivalry in respect of wealth and children; as the likeness of vegetation after rain, whereof the growth is pleasing to the husbandman, but afterward it drieth up and thou seest it turning yellow, then it becometh straw. And in the Hereafter there is grievous punishment, and (also) forgiveness from Allah and His good pleasure, whereas the life of the world is but matter of illusion. (20) Race one with another for forgiveness from your Lord and a Garden whereof the breadth is as the breadth of the heavens and the earth, which is in store for those who believe in Allah and His messengers. Such is the bounty of Allah, which He bestoweth upon whom He will, and Allah is of Infinite Bounty. (21) Naught of disaster befalleth in the earth or in yourselves but it is in a Book before we bring it into being – Lo! that is easy for Allah – (22) That ye grieve not for the sake of that which hath escaped you, nor yet exult because of that which hath been given. Allah loveth not all prideful boasters, (23) Who hoard and who enjoin upon the people avarice. And whosoever turneth away, still Allah is the Absolute, the Owner of Praise. (24) We verily sent Our messengers with clear proofs, and revealed with them the Scripture and the Balance, that mankind may observe right measure; and He revealed iron, wherein is mighty power and (many) uses for mankind, and that Allah may know him who helpeth Him and His messengers, though unseen. Lo! Allah is Strong, Almighty. (25) And We verily sent Noah and Abraham and placed the prophethood and the scripture among their seed, and among them there is he who goeth right, but many of them are evil-livers. (26) Then We caused Our messengers to follow in their footsteps; and We caused Jesus, son of Mary, to follow, and gave him the Gospel, and placed compassion and mercy in the hearts of those who followed him. But monasticism they invented – We ordained it not for them – only seeking Allah’s pleasure, and they observed it not with right observance. So We give those of them who believe their reward, but many of them are evil-livers. (27) O ye who believe! Be mindful of your duty to Allah and put faith in His messenger. He will give you twofold of His mercy and will appoint for you a light wherein ye shall walk, and will forgive you. Allah is Forgiving, Merciful; (28) That the People of the Scripture may know that they control naught of the bounty of Allah, but that the bounty is in Allah’s hand to give to whom He will. And Allah is of Infinite Bounty. (29)

In truth, I only read the translation a few minutes ago so what I am going to write are my thoughts in real time. Yesterday I felt a reassurance that Allah is aware of our efforts. However reading through the verses now was almost like reading the expectation almost of myself for myself. A few months ago I listened to a lecture by Nouman Ali Khan regarding the light and it made me ponder whether what I have been doing will be accepted or rather will it be enough? I know we can never be certain of our deeds being accepted however we know that the next life is permanent so we have to make adequate preparations. On reading the verses I felt tearful because it was as though these ayahs were what I needed to hear. Although I can never be certain if what I am preparing will be accepted I know that my efforts will not be in vain as Allah has ‘twofold mercy.’  Nonetheless it made me think about where I am lacking and how I can make improvements.

I do feel I have been negligent in reading the Quran and become lost over the past few years. It is only very recently I have began to feel the sparks of spirituality amongst my daily life. My salaah had become mechanical and I was not really conversing with the Most High. Yet I knew I was and am blessed- which sounds strange based on what I have written in the previous paragraph but its true.

I am hoping to reflect and continue further with these gems and improve myself. May Allah accept it from you and May He accept it from me. Ameen.

Contemplation

 His is the Sovereignty of the heavens and the earth; He quickeneth and He giveth death; and He is Able to do all things. (2) He is the First and the Last, and the Outward and the Inward; and He is Knower of all things. (3) He it is Who created the heavens and the earth in six Days; then He mounted the Throne. He knoweth all that entereth the earth and all that emergeth therefrom and all that cometh down from the sky and all that ascendeth therein; and He is with you wheresoever ye may be. And Allah is Seer of what ye do. (4) His is the Sovereignty of the heavens and the earth, and unto Allah (all) things are brought back. (5) He causeth the night to pass into the day, and He causeth the day to pass into the night, and He is knower of all that is in the breasts. (6) Believe in Allah and His messenger, and spend of that whereof He hath made you trustees; and such of you as believe and spend (aright), theirs will be a great reward. (7) What aileth you that ye believe not in Allah, when the messenger calleth you to believe in your Lord, and He hath already made a covenant with you, if ye are believers? (8) He it is Who sendeth down clear revelations unto His slave, that He may bring you forth from darkness unto light; and lo! for you, Allah is Full of Pity, Merciful. (9) And what aileth you that ye spend not in the way of Allah when unto Allah belongeth the inheritance of the heavens and the earth? Those who spent and fought before the victory are not upon a level (with the rest of you). Such are greater in rank than those who spent and fought afterwards. Unto each hath Allah promised good. And Allah is informed of what ye do. (10) Who is he that will lend unto Allah a goodly loan, that He may double it for him and his may be a rich reward? (11)

I just could not sleep tonight without writing what I had taken away from reading these verses. There is a theme of ‘knowing’ that emanates from the verses that impacted upon my approach to fasting. There was a time when I could fast and I did not think about the duration I could focus on the Quran. However, I lost this and do want it back but reading these verses provided me with a reassurance in trying and appreciating the process of trying for the end reward. The above ayahs have made me re-evaluate where I am and where I want to be and if all of this will enable me to gain eternal reward.

It is as if Allah has given me so much or rather given everybody bounty upon bounty and yet we digress. Allah says in this chapter that ‘He it is who sendeth down clear revelations unto his slaves.’ Words such as ‘revelation’ corresponds with the month we are in at this moment in time. As I thought about these links it made me smile and gave me a spiritual lift that I was in need of, however, I do acknowledge that I have a long way to go but I guess I wanted to simply share this insight.

May Allah accept it from you and from me. Ameen.

To my daughters

IMG_3462  Dear Safiya and Amanah,

I write this whilst one of sleeps and the other plays. At times its great at times its difficult. At times your wonderful at times your a handful. At times your a bundle of joy that I do not want to let go. At times you make me angry for reasons you do not know. You both are small now but growing everyday. To have you both I did pray. I prayed at night, in the morning and the time when everybody was asleep. Thats why I wonder sometimes why I weep.You see I become overwhelmed and cannot express- the thoughts in my head so I get into a mess. But I do love you and do care. I care about your wellbeing. I care about your spirituality. Thats why I want to strive hard to make the akhirah a reality. Its not as easy as I pondered in my youth-sometimes I feel the torment of ‘mummy guilt.’ Then I realise that Allah’s mercy is like a comfortable quilt. So I keep trying, perserving taking  one step at a time-knowing that through this I am being watched by Al-Latif the most Sublime.

Sharing with a stranger

Today I took my daughter swimming. It involved a lot of planning beforehand and a lot of waiting when we got there. When I searched on the internet I saw that the beginning time was 13:00pm. Knowing that it may become busy I set out early. To my dismay it was very packed and the first session had already reached capacity. I knew that I had two choices. I could come home or wait (with a three year old.) An attendant came out to the lobby and informed us that we had clear the fire exits. A lot of the women and children went into another room and my daughter and I remained in the main lobby-ensuring we were clear of the exit. I knew I wanted to come home but kept remembering how excited Safiya was and silently prayed that we would get in.

After fifteen minutes we were allowed to purchase our tickets. However, the area had become packed again and I was becoming overwhelmed. The heat was getting to me. Alhumdulillah Safiya was calm and stayed with me. The other children were beginning to whine and I could see mothers were becoming restless. I patiently waited. I could hear conversations around me and two women were talking about going to a different pool. At this point I joined into their conversation and told them that the pool was not as warm as the one we were at. This was a big thing for me (really it was.) Over the years I have noticed that I hold back and it has effected me negatively. Although this was something small and the ladies would not know any different it made a huge difference to me.

A few minutes later once I had bought our tickets and locker tag, my daughter and I sat down. A lady came over and we began conversing. Alhumdulillah (praise be to Allah.) The conversation gradually veered towards motherhood and we discovered we had many things in common.I was surprised at her openness and honesty about her post-natal depression and found myself imparting my own experiences. As a generic statement I feel that though times have changed societies have advanced, cultures have diversified there are things that still go unnoticed and are not talked about. When I was speaking to this mum I told her how I felt guilt after my first daughter to complain as I felt it would somehow make me a bad mother. I felt selfish (and sometimes still do) if I want to do something for myself. Speaking and sharing this with someone else made it a little bit lighter. It illustrated also that every struggle is a struggle and we need to have more value for ourselves.

Earlier on in the day when I prayed salaatul-Duha (a voluntary prayer), I asked Allah “to make things easy for me and provide for me.” I was unaware that Allah would aptly answer my prayer in the form of a stranger.